Epilogue

We flew home on Sunday, July 17th. The flight was 11 hours long, and for the most part, Dasha was a real trooper. But she would lose patience with Sharron, and yell at her. And it wasn't so much an attempt to communicate, as it was lashing out. In the airport we met a woman who was raised in Russia, but has been in the U.S. for 12 years. At one point during the flight Sharron asked the Russian woman to explain to Dasha that she needed to have some patience with us.

We landed in Seattle expecting to catch a connecting flight to Oakland. Unfortunately, the travel agent only booked TWO tickets through to Oakland, and all the flights were full. While Dasha didn't evidence any desire to continue on to Oakland with us, we thought it best to take her. We had to get a hotel room in Seattle, and fly home the next day. It was aggravating, but it did lead to one cute event.

In restaurants in Russia, we'd get an English menu for Sharron and I, and a Russian menu for Dasha. In Seattle, when we got into the Coffee Shop for Breakfast, they gave Dasha a children's menu in English. She looked at it, then got up, marched over to the Register and requested a menu 'pa rooskee' (in Russian). The hostess was dumbfounded by this tiny person making demands in Russian. It was the last time Dasha expected anything to be in Russian. Welcome home.

We drove ourselves home from the airport. When we approached our house we found it had be decorated for our arrival. It was so sweet. There was silver tinsel, and signs welcoming Dasha home.


Living in a Sociology Experiment

It is odd. It feels like we're living in a sociology experiment. We can't communicate what is going on, and she can't communicate how she feels. There is an amazing level of stress. Sharron is on duty 16 hours a day. Dasha is old enough that she needs activities, but since she doesn't speak the language, or have any hobbies or friends, it falls on Sharron to be with her.

We had been told to expect a 'honeymoon' period of a couple of months, when a newly adopted child is on their best behavior. They want to make a good impression, and are scared of being sent back. After that, we should expect to see some troublesome behaviors as she adapts, and even some anger at the strangeness of her new situation. So you might have thought that Dasha would arrive here, and just be floored by having a family and home. HAH. She takes it all in stride. She's not so much grateful as annoyed. Where's the Honeymoon? I want the Honeymoon.

I really can't blame her. No one speaks her language, except Papa, who has the vocabulary of a 3 year old, and can't pronounce anything correctly. But I must admit that I find it hard to understand her tuteledge when she's yelling it at me. She actively refuses to learn English, and gets mad at me when I speak Russian. But English is destined to win. Between cartoons and Barbie.com, she will be assimilated - resistance is futile.

I love the way she walks through the house yelling "Maaaama, Maaaaama, I hachu shtoneeboot". (mama, I want something) I wish I had a recording for you. It is so insistent, with an inflection so foreign.

No food must ever go to waste. So if she doesn't want to finish something, she feeds it to us.

But every day she seems to like us more. One of our cats, Q, has taken to sleeping on her bed, it's very sweet. We go swimming on most days. She pretends she doesn't like Papa, but it's just an act to avoid intimacy. When she needs something, she's plenty willing to get it from me. And once or twice we've actually played together a little. I swam with her in the pool, and chased her around the house.

But what I really want to communicate is that it is hard. It is hard for her, and it is hard for us. She's a trooper, and I admire her courage and fortitude.

Sharron sings her lullabies every night. The first few nights home, Dasha didn't want the words, so Sharron would just hum. Last night Dasha asked for the words. Dasha gently touched Sharron's face, and said 'mama' with each touch, on the cheek, the other cheek, the forehead, etc.

There will no doubt be many ups and downs. But this will work. After Sharron put Dasha down, and recounted the face touching incident, I said to her, "you've saved one little soul", in her wisdom, Sharron replied, "yes, mine".

Peace.